Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Is this labor?!?!

     It was a Tuesday morning, and I woke up at seven to get ready for my eight twenty midwife appointment. I went to the bathroom, and noticed right away that there was a strange feeling when I wiped. I happened to take a gander, and realized that my mucous plug had come out. We had learned about the mucous plug in my labor class, and for some reason I thought that it was similar to my water breaking, (which it's not) so I went to wake Bobby up right away. I told him what had happened, and he was convinced as well that this was the early stages of labor. We decided to pack a bag on our way to our appointment, just in case they admitted me. We were super excited and the whole way to the appointment we couldn't believe that our baby was really on his way. Could it be true? Well, I decided that I was going to look up the mucous plug on our way to the appointment just to double check that it really meant what we thought it meant, and to our disappointment it was not the early stages of labor. It simply means that your body is getting ready for labor, but there could still be days (even weeks) left in the pregnancy.
     When we got to our appointment we decided that we should still let my midwife know that my mucous plug had come out, and thought she might have a little more information for us about what this meant. She seemed very un-enthused, and sort of acted as if we were crazy to think this meant I was in "labor". She informed us of everything we had read online, and that labor could still be pretty far away. (I was only a little over 38 weeks at this point.) She asked me if I wanted to have my cervix checked. I had skipped it the week before, because it was super painful the first time she checked it, and I really didn't see the point in having it checked every week. I decided that I would check it this week, because of the whole mucous plug situation, just to see where I was at. She said that I was dilated about a centimeter and a half. My body was definitely getting ready for labor, which was good, but still had a ways to go. When I got off the exam table, and started to get dressed I noticed that there was a lot of discharge which I guess is super common after having your cervix checked so I just ignored it, and we were on our way.
     As we left I could sense a little disappointment from the both of us that this was not the day that we were going to meet our baby boy. On the way home we had to make a couple stops, and being nine months pregnant I decided to stay in the car while Bobby ran in to Target and Pets Mart. We were only a few miles from home when I felt this strange feeling... it felt similar to the feeling of having my cervix checked. I wasn't sure it meant anything, and again just thought it had something to do with the exam I had just had done.       When we got home I got out of the car, and instantly felt as if I had peed myself. As I waddled the rest of the way inside I knew deep down that this was more than just leakage from a cervical exam. This was my water breaking. I instantly got in the tub knowing that contractions were probably going to start any minute. We called the on-call midwife, and she was not convinced that I was in labor. She told me that I was probably in false labor from the exam earlier, and should not go to the hospital unless I start having contractions lasting as long as a minute, being five minutes apart.
     I was feeling a lot of things at this point. I was so confused. Am I supposed to know what a contraction feels like? Is this false labor? Why doesn't anybody want to believe that I could be having this baby today? All of these questions and more ran through my head as I sat in the tub nervous, scared, and excited about what was to come, and then it happened...I felt something, this had to be a contraction. It lasted about thirty seconds and was super uncomfortable, but tolerable non the less. I had a few more of these "tolerable" contractions, and I started feeling a little better knowing that this was actual labor, and not false labor like my midwife had thought. Bobby was running around the house trying to get things in order, and preparing for us to be gone for a couple days. I sat there in the tub and just waited. There it was again... another contraction. This one was very uncomfortable, and I remember yelling for Bobby because I really wanted him with me. We decided that I should probably get out of the tub and start getting ready in case we needed to head to the hospital. I sat down on the couch in the living room, and was hit by a horrible contraction lasting longer then a minute, making my eyes well up with tears. I told Bobby that I was not interested in home labor anymore, and that we needed to get to the hospital SOON!
     At this point it was a little after eleven. My water had broke around nine forty-five, and we were both thinking that we probably had a long road ahead of us. The drive was not fun at all...for either of us! Bobby was driving extremely fast, because I was in tears having contraction after contraction with not a whole lot of time in between. As we got closer to the hospital I told Bobby to go to the Emergency drop off area, because I needed to be seen ASAP.
     Once we pulled up Bobby ran in to grab a wheelchair, and help. The man that came out to help seemed like he thought I was "overreacting" which was pretty annoying. As he wheeled me up to the maternity ward I remember him telling me to just breathe, and all I wanted to do was hyperventilate. I was brought directly to this very small room where a nurse started wrapping this thing around my waist, which was super tight, and telling me to relax. Bobby had called the on-call midwife in the car so she was at the hospital at this point, and she came in the room very casually to check my cervix. She told me that I was dilated to about three centimeters, and could still have a long road ahead of me if I wanted to go back home, and do some more "home laboring". I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was literally having about a minute between my contractions at this point, and they seemed to last FOREVER. If she thinks I am getting back in my car to go home she has got to be out of her mind! I told her that I want to be admitted, and that I want pain relief! Please, give me an epidural, because this pain is getting to be too much!
     They wheeled me to a hospital room while I am screaming in pain with my eyes closed the whole way down the hall. (Pretty sure I was scaring people, but I didn't care AT ALL.) When we got to my room I just remember the nurse telling me she needs to get an IV in me so that they can get some liquids, a whole bag of liquids that is, in me before the epidural. I couldn't believe they were making me wait! How am I going to do this? I remember yelling OWww, OWwww, OWwww, over and over again while everybody around me tried to get me to relax and breathe. How could I relax? I had no relief from pain, and each contraction was getting worse and worse. I can only imagine what I looked like to Bobby. I'm sure he was scared, but he did an amazing job of just standing beside me, and holding my hand.
     After the IV bag was completely empty, which seemed like a life time later, a man came in to give me my epidural. I had no idea how they were going to do it... I mean at this point I couldn't breathe, couldn't cry, couldn't move for that matter, how were they going to do this? They asked me to turn on my side. I wanted that epidural so bad that it took everything I had to turn on my side, and at this point I was screaming, crying, and...yup, there it is...puking in my mouth. Ugh! He finally got the epidural in, and it happened. I started to feel relief. NOT complete relief, but relief. I still had a horrible amount of pressure in my vaginal region, and knew that this baby was making his debut soon! The midwife was finally able to check my cervix again, and said that I was eight centimeters, and was very close to pushing. She left the room at this point, and I remember Bobby and I talking to the nurse about random stuff. I felt SO much better, but again not good. I still had a ton of pressure downstairs, and couldn't stop shivering/shaking with adrenaline. I let it go as long as I could, and finally I told my nurse I needed to start pushing. She brought the midwife back in the room, and we started discussing different positions I could push in.
     We started with me pulling my self up with a blanket wrapped around a pole they had attached to the bed. I pushed for about a half hour in this position, every time I felt a contraction (which was much harder to detect at this point, thank god) and decided that I wasn't making much progress so we needed to try something else. The midwife suggested that I tilt a little bit on my side and just bear down pushing my chin to my chest every time I pushed. Well, this position seemed to be working much better and every time I pushed I could hear them telling me that they could see the head, and that I was making progress. (At some point I remember Bobby telling me that he could see the head, and that our little man had hair. I was happy to hear this, because I really thought he was going to come out completely bald.) As I pushed and pushed I started feeling relief with every one. I would push three times with every contraction as hard as I could. My midwife was very encouraging, and would tell me to keep pushing if I had it in me. Oh, it was in me alright. I wanted our little man out! I continued to push, and finally I felt it...complete relief! She grabbed his head, and made sure that he wasn't getting sucked back in this time. As soon as he was out they put him on my chest. I could hear Bobby crying, and as much as I wanted to cry I just remember feeling... good. I was shaking from all the adrenaline, and emotions weren't really hitting me like I thought they would. It took me a couple minutes before I could really take it all in. Davis was here, and he was okay. He was breathing, he was crying, and he was adorable. I just remember looking him up and down. Did he have five fingers on each hand? Did he have five toes? Was he a normal baby? I'm sure some people would take offense to this, but these are the thoughts that were running through my mind. When your pregnant all you can think about, and dream of is having a normal, healthy baby. It doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl, but just that it's healthy. Well, as I laid there with him on my chest I just remember feeling relieved. Relieved that it was over, and relieved that in every way that I could see I had a normal healthy baby. :)


      Davis Robert Gotch was born at 3:17 p.m. on March 29th, 2016. He weighed 8 lbs. and was 21 inches long. They let him lay on my chest for about an hour. He was covered in vernix, which is similar to a white lotion. As I held him the midwife started to push on my abdomen to get the placenta out. This was pretty uncomfortable, but compared to what I just went through a piece of cake. She finally told me to push one more time, and the placenta was out. I don't remember feeling a whole lot of relief when it came out like some people said I would, but just knowing everything was out felt amazing. It took her about a half hour to stitch me up, and I remember hoping that everything was alright. I would get a look at her face every once and awhile, and she seemed a little nervous about the amount of blood and where it was coming from. I tried not to think about it, which ended up being the right thing to do, because everything was fine. She told me I had a second degree tear down there so I needed to be extra careful cleaning the area.
     As I lay there with Davis, (and Bobby) I realize that Mom and Kim are in the waiting room. I want them to be able to come in, but the nurses wanted me to try nursing since I was interested in breast feeding so we got on that right away. It was hard to get too involved in feeding, because I knew that more family was on their way and I just wanted to show off my perfect angel. As soon as they were able Kim and my Mom came in the room. Very shortly after Bobby's Mom, Dad, and brother showed up. The rest of my family wasn't far behind, and everybody wanted a picture with Davis. Bobby and I included! Here is the very first picture of our new family. 

       Welcome to the world Davis! We couldn't be happier that you are here!




Tuesday, March 1, 2016

What a Month!

    This month will go down as one of the craziest/saddest/happiest months I have ever experienced(happy only because of Davis)! So much happened during this time of my life I have to write a blog about it so I don't forget. In the beginning of the month we celebrated Bobby's birthday at Dave and Busters. I have to say that I wasn't all that thrilled to be having a big celebration at the time, because I was eight months pregnant, tired, and could barely walk, but I was going to do it for Bobby.
    It was important for Bobby to celebrate, because he hadn't seen his friends in awhile and I'm sure he wanted one last Hoorah before the baby came. (Which is understandable, but at the same time where is the woman's last Hoorah?!) A lot of people came out, and we ended up buying a card that had a lot of credits on it so we were able to play games all night.
    After dinner and games people weren't all that interested in going home so we ended up meeting Jennie, Tom, Joe, and Pete at Grumpy's for a few drinks. I wasn't all that happy about this plan, because I was tired, my feet swollen, unable to drink, and moody, which is not a good combination, but didn't want to spoil the fun so I told myself that I would be okay and just had to get through it. The night ended up going until almost two in the morning. We were the last ones to leave the bar, and I was DEFINITELY ready to be going home. In the car I had the "drunks" all trying to tell me what to do and where to go, because everybody was hungry and wanted Perkins. It was not happening, but it seemed as though some of them were having a hard time understanding that. I was trying to figure out the best way to Jennie and Tom's house, and with all the chaos in the car I couldn't really get a straight answer. Jennie was telling me to go straight, and Bobby telling me to turn. I had a feeling Bobby was trying to lead me to an alternate destination, because he was really pushing the Perkins idea, so I decided to go the route that Jennie was telling me. Well, Bobby...in his drunken state...was not happy about this, and physically grabbed the wheel to try to make me turn. That was the last straw! I freaked out! I don't remember what I said, but it wasn't good. He had been drinking captain cokes all night, which is not what he typically drinks so I think he was way more drunk then usual, but still totally unlike him.
    The car got quiet, and everybody finally started to realize how serious I was. I was not going to perkins! I was not being their chofer! I was going home, and going to sleep! (I don't know what it is these days, but going out feels like a chore. I am so over it, especially when I'm not drinking.) Well, Bobby and I ended up sharing a few words with eachother on the way home which was unfortunate. We had a long drive ahead of us, and there was really no avoiding it. I didn't want to be dealing with this. I was supposed to be trying to destress and that was probably one of the most stressful nights of my life. When we got home Bobby was able to pass out, and I had to sit up and stew about everything that had just happened. By myself, in the basement, with a full term baby in my belly. I will never forget it, and hopefully we never experience another night like it again in our marriage. The rest of the month Bobby and I felt it best that he didn't drink. He needed to be able to bring me to the hospital when I went into labor, and for moral support as well.
    Shortly after this happened on March 12th, which was my second baby shower day, we found out that George Paitich had died. It was completely shocking. I hadn't seen George in awhile, but every time that I did run into him he seemed so excited to see me (or the MILLERS that is). I think this was just the type of person George was. He made everybody feel special. He was a really great guy, and he will definitely be missed by many.
    Shortly after George passing away I find out that my cousin Nick is starting hospice. I knew he wasn't doing well, but thought that he would get through it. When I found out he was going on hospice it was a realty check that he really wasn't doing well. I couldn't believe this was happening. First George... now Nick. Two young men who had so much life ahead of them, gone. His funeral was shortly after Davis was born so I wasn't able to go which sucked.
    During all of this our cat Jesse was starting to deteriorate. She was losing weight like crazy and was starting to get diarrhea all over the house, which was a nightmare to clean up and smelled awful! We took her to the vet, and found out she had hyperthyroidism. She needed medication or a procedure done. We decided to go the medication route which ended up not working, and shortly after Davis was born ended up having to bring her in to be put down. I wasn't strong enough to go in with Bobby to do it, which I felt horrible about, but with everything going on at the time I just couldn't do it.
    Oh, and did I forget to mention that earlier in the month I was let go from my job in Scandia. They told me that they didn't need me to come back after my maternity leave. At the time I was shocked, but as I reflect on it now I can't believe that I didn't see it coming. They were paying me a lot of money to do a pretty easy job, but still couldn't believe it was happening right before my maternity leave. Here I am supposed to be focusing on being a new mom, and now I am going to have to add the stress of looking for a new job?! It was crazy.
    While dealing with all the death surrouding me, and this black cloud hovering over me I was trying to prepare myself for labor. I have been scared to go through labor ever since I found out that women have babies! I knew I wanted to have kids, but the labor part of it has always terrified me. When is it going to happen? How long is it going to take? Is it really going to be as painful as people say? All these questions and more were going through my head the closer I got to my due date. Part of me wonders if everything that was happening this month was God's way of distracting me from thinking about labor? Not sure, but I still thought about it a lot, and was excited but also very nervous for the day to come.
    All and all...this was the most stressful month I have ever endured! Looking back at it now I'm still a little surprised I survived it. I cried almost every day. I mean really cried. I experienced so many emotions during this time. Could it have been God preparing me for parenthood? I don't know,  maybe he was trying to see if I was strong enough for it, which I must be because I survived...BARELY!